fight against the test

i have spent months preparing for a test. i am not good at self-study, therefore i joined a course in Weber to help me find some clues. i had a real good time there,because i made some new friends there, including mental king,mental queen, mental prince ,jame,little Naylor and twins sisters. there were all together 16 of us. because of them, classes were joyful. even though we are of different age groups, we got along pretty well. i think that deal to the fact that we live in the some city and have the some goal at that time therefore have a lot in common. i have been living in zhengzhou for more than three years but even can not feel the sense of belonging. when i graduated from high school, i wished i could go to the other province for higher education and my dream came true. after i left hometown, i recognized that what a wonderful city nanning is. that is the city where my home and friends belong. i love the city. but i do not regret about my decision. i learnt a great deal during these years. communicating with people from different place broadened my horizon. new friends showed me different ways of thinking. that was great.


i dislike the testing system in china. i have been fighting with it for years as all the students in china do.i am a lucky girl. nothing has bothered me than exams. i could not change the system, therefore i face it. i sometimes mock by saying that "why we have to spend that much time to fight for pieces of paper(here i mean money) and some members(marks)? that is stupid." no matter what the course as far as it comes to exam, i lose interest in it. but i do not mean i will give it up, i just need time for mood adjustment. i will go back to the battle as soon as i find a way to motivate myself. that is who i am. when i am not happy with something, i do not force myself to keep doing it because that is lack of efficiency.

there are lots of choices we have to make. but sometimes we really do not have choices but to fight against difficulties to get what you want. we do what we have to do so we could do what we want to do. i was in low spirits in the summer vocation for several days. i believe that independence is a very important quality. i thought that no one could help me out expect myself. that is why i did not tell anyone about what bothered me at that time. even though i did not say anything, it was not hard to tell that i was not happy. i did not knew that my families were worried about me until my brother left message on my "space". i always thought that since i was the big sister in the family, i could not show any weakness in front of my brothers, i have to set a good example for them and protect them. but maybe i was wrong. sometimes we just need someone to share our feeling so that we can cheer ourselves up and set things right. never shame to ask for you if you need.

i used to think that exams kill all our imagination and creativity, because we have to follow some rules in order to get high marks. here i mean to complete some models. i do not change my mind right now. what i have to do is finding ways to save them.

things change, live goes on

lots of things change in the past three monthe: best friend got married, a new family menber came into my world, brother went to university, i had been a teacher for one month, a decision was made which would be a turning point for me.

i heard the news about three months earlier before i actually met her husband. when i was told on msn that she had been married for months, i felt lost. i knew should feel happy for her, and i did.

anyway she was my best friend. after went through so many difficulties, she finally found the loved one. i was so happy for her. i did not understand why i was so upset and could not help cring in front of my friend the next day. i was supposed to be happy, but i was not at that time. o maybe my sadness overweigh happiness. when we met one month ago i finally understood my strange reaction.
we used to be best friend. we were both the transfered to that school in 2001. when i was standing at the front door of the class i felt helpless and scared. all the students sitting in the class had been knew each other for two years. as a newcomer can i get along well with them? when i hoping there was a angle to help me out of this, she appeared. she was wearing a big smell on her face . she came closer and say hi to me. at that time, i thanked god for senting her for me. because of her company, i had the most wonderful time in my life. she always called me "good girl" because i always played by rules.i never went home late, absented from classes, or hung out with guys. i was an good daugter and sister at home, also a top student at school. every time she called me that way, i would be angry.because i did not want that kind of life--did everything to meet others expectation.( though that is who i was and who i am now). that is why i attracted by her. she got something which i missed.i thougt she was the crazist girl i have never met. then we became good friend. we often hung out together to do shopping,watch movies and go parties.we shared our happiness and sadness and there was no secrets between us. but things changed since we lived in different continent two years later. i thought our friendship will never change even though we did not get in touch frequently. but i was wrong, just because i did not realize ,it did not mean that there was no change. i was sorry for not paying enough attention for her and our relationship. i was so sad when i saw her cried on the wedding ceremony but can not do anything to help her. since she did not want to talk, i would not ask her. i thought she was mature enough to handle things. if she wanted to share, i would be there for her. but if she did not, it was fine with me. anyway when we together she always acted as a older sister. it seems to me that all i did in the pass few years just be a good listener.
now there is her husband who is always there for her. even though we do not know each other very well. but i can tell that he is a very good guy. he is smart, humous, considerate and gentle.the most important thing is he love her and will take care of her in the future.
best wish to you, my friend.